The night before, the shadows, the darkness, the doubt.
I was convinced I was going to fuck up, to fail and to show what really lies beneath.
Knew I would let people down, believed they wouldn’t love me any more once they saw the truth.
I wanted to run, to escape and to hide. I wanted to give up and to fade into the distance.
I didn’t want to be in the spotlight, didn’t want the risk or the pressure.
I didn’t want to go down in a ball of flames in front of the world.
I wanted out.
It wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t enough.
But I stayed, I comforted myself, I reached out as much as I could,
And I remembered my purpose, my stake in it all.
To do this for my clients, to help us reach more; to make a difference.
That it wasn’t about me, it was about them and a bigger cause.
That I could only do my best, could only tell the story I have to tell.
So I stayed, and I wrote and I knew it was enough. Not great, but enough.
And I slept and the new dawn came.
The day of big stuff, of connections, of being seen, of not hiding.
And I let Edith in, let her create with me from the core;
Built on the foundations and fine tuned for the floor.
The rest is a blur, adrenalin and rush.
The Hoxton hotel where every fibre of every human was alive.
The chance to tell a tale, to share and explore.
The infusion of options, of ideas and more.
Everyone vooming - in their own ways.
Day and night blurring into a haze.
I did what I could, was in flow and at ease.
The energy carried me,
I couldn’t do more.
So was it enough?
Well, enough for what?
To get to the semi-finals only time will tell.
To tell the Firefly story, celebrate our clients and set the stage for more, 100% yes.
I did what I could. I was enough. I am good.
4 June 2016