Firefly CEO Kirsty Maynor recently spoke to fellow coach, entrepreneur, best-selling author of “Deciding to Coach” and co-host of number one podcast “The Coaching Crowd”, Zoe Hawkins, about the emotions of handling change. This blog summarises some of the points raised during their lively and inspiring discussion, and you can hear the full, unedited version here. 

The emotions of handling change

In business we tend to work with our heads, which can mean we sometimes forget to connect with how we’re feeling. But developing emotional awareness, understanding how we feel and putting it into words - without labelling it as “good” or “bad” - is so important. 

As human beings, it’s crucial to take time to observe our emotions and to simply allow whatever comes up to come up, free from judgement and expectations, and to notice the psychological and physical sensations surrounding those emotions without needing to label or categorise them. 

Understanding how our feelings relate to our needs

Sometimes the emotions we experience can appear to contradict each other, but that’s okay. We’re inherently complex, multi-faceted creatures, so it’s possible - normal even - to feel both devastated and optimistic; grief and anguish; happy and nervous, all at the same time. Emotions don’t have to be singular, in fact they almost never are. 

Paying attention to how we’re feeling is just as important in organisations as it is in the family environment because when we don’t, sooner or later our feelings and needs will make themselves known. When you understand how you feel, you can ask for what you need, which enables you to align your behaviour with your core values. 

Understanding our emotions in the context of change

During periods of change - whether professional or personal, chosen or not - we experience a wide range of emotions, and at times, there can be a substantial gap between what we think we should be feeling and what we actually feel. One of the reasons for this is that, like emotions, change is rarely singular. It exists in the context of the rest of our lives, where other changes are almost always happening simultaneously. 

And because it can be difficult to try and identify what each specific emotion relates to, it’s usually more valuable to dig a little deeper into how we feel, so that we can try to identify what that emotion is trying to signal: which of our unmet needs is being signposted?

Dealing with complex emotions - and identifying our needs around them - is a skill that most of us have never been taught, but those strategies are an important part of the coaching relationship because they teach people to recognise, identify and understand their own emotions and how they relate to their needs, particularly during times of instability and change.

How fear keeps us inside our comfort zone

The psychological fear associated with risk and living outside your comfort zone doesn’t have to stop you from pursuing your goals or moving forward in life. Fear is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t always indicate something bad. It can also be an indicator of good things ahead.

Like shame, fear drives disconnection and tells us we’re not good enough. So when we stop using courage to push beyond the limits of our comfort zone, it’s usually fear of failure that’s driving us. Unfortunately, the inevitable result is that we don’t step into our full potential; only by tapping into our courage and pushing beyond those boundaries can we connect with that inner knowing that we’re capable of more. 

It’s crucial to remember that fear is self-generated: it’s based on stories that we tell ourselves and not grounded in reality. Once we’re able to recognise that we create this emotion ourselves, we can choose to explore through the lens of equally accessible alternative emotions like luck, optimism and opportunity, which are the natural antidotes to fear. 

Dealing with difficult emotions

It can be useful to carry out an inventory of our emotions, and pay attention to what shifts over time. Some of the bigger ones - like grief and overwhelm - might feel like they never will, but by paying attention to our emotions over time, we can observe how they change and become more manageable. 

In my new book, Untangled, I outline some useful tools and strategies for building emotional awareness, like journalling. Journalling can be a helpful way to understand and manage our emotions, and Untangled comes with its own companion journal, full of useful prompts and tips on how to handle some of the more complex feelings surrounding change in organisations, as well as resources like colouring in pages and mindfulness exercises to support with ongoing mental health needs.

To access these free resources or to order your copy of the book and journal, visit the Untangled website.